God Bless Sports Betting: How I Lost My House But Won It Back

What's up degenerates, as you all know, sports betting is the greatest drug on Earth. One day you're as high as the kite Ben Franklin flew, and the next day you're underneath the sewer with Rafael and the Ninja Turtles trying to find a way out. This past Sunday and Monday hit me harder than Francis Ngannou. Stipe and I were folded like a futon. I had my mortgage on FSU, and these bozo's got ran out of the gym, they should have never even got off of the bus. How do you claim you're a "basketball school" and lose by 18 in the Sweet 16, clowns.

After paying my bookie every dollar I have, I schemed up a plan to make it back, Houston -8. After being up 17 at half, I stopped checking the score, and turned on my ESPN final score notification. That's where I fucked up. I'm laying in bed, minding my own business, looking for a video on the Hub, and I get a notification that put a BBC in my ass. Houston advances to the Final Four by beating Oregon State 67-61. I threw my phone across the room and said, "are you fucking kidding me how is this possible?" To be honest, I wish I never found out:

After throwing up all night, I knew what I had to do. I grabbed my Miami Marlins hat flipped it inside out and started to rally. It all started with the Orlando Magic +11. They were down 14 at halftime on the road against the Clippers and WON OUTRIGHT!! I was finally able to see some sunlight from my sewer. And that's when it hit UCLA ML.... I've bet them every game this tournament, why stop now? My 6.5 point dawgs WON OUTRIGHT AGAIN. After the game I told Rafael and the turtles thanks for the hospitality, but I gotta go. Still a long week of gambling ahead, but I like my odds.

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